


A Day In the Life

by bear_bell



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Choose Tony's Adventure, Choose Your Own Adventure, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-22 18:54:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 17,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bear_bell/pseuds/bear_bell
Summary: After Ultron, Tony was trying to get better. He really, really was. But it was difficult to get better when everything was going to hell. Between the public's increasingly poor opinion of the Avengers, Tony's deteriorating friendships, and not knowing who to trust or where to turn for help, Tony's attempts at getting better where cosmetic, at best.Some days, Tony woke up and he didn't know where to begin.You could possibly help him out.





	1. Introduction

“Today is Wednesday May 5th, 2016,” FRIDAY announced. “Time to get up, boss.”

“You’re a liar,” Tony muttered into his pillow. “Filthy, stinkin liar.”

“You say something?” FRIDAY hummed in response.

“It’s Saturday, FRI,” Tony insistently grumbled.

“Fraid not,” she told him. “Today is Wednesday, and you’ve already missed your first appointment of the morning.”

Flopping onto his back, Tony threw an arm over his face as he declared, “That’s that, then. The day has already started going bad, so it can’t possibly get any better from here. Better scrap the rest of it - No. We’d better scrap the rest of the week, FRIDAY. If today isn’t Saturday, then wake me up again when it is.”

“No can do, boss,” FRIDAY hummed. “You insisted, and I quote-”

The brat began playing a recording of Tony’s own voice.

“ _I mean it, FRI. Between the Avengers, SHIELD, and SI, I can’t afford to let the ball drop. And the first part of that is making sure I don’t drop, which means eating healthy and sleeping regularly and - shit. This is going to suck. But you can’t let me slide. Not even once. I’m relying on you to get me through this, baby-girl_ -”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Tony groaned. “I get it. I’m up.”

“If you’d gone to bed when I’d told you to last night-”

“Keep giving me mouth and I’m going to straight up turn you into an alarm clock,” Tony told her as he rolled out of bed, stretching. “One that can’t talk,” he added.

“Since making sure you get where you need to be on time seems to be my primary function, that might be for the best,” she informed him.

Rolling his eyes at the bot's sass, Tony shuffled from his room and towards his kitchen.

It was mornings like this when he really missed JARVIS.

JARVIS had never gone out of his way to make Tony grumpy. JARVIS had shown Tony some respect. JARVIS’s humor had been _tasteful_.

In the kitchen, Tony groaned when he opened his fridge and found nothing but healthy food inside. He sent a glare to the takeout container sitting in his dining area -- he’d eaten the last of his weekly allotment of greasy junk food the evening before after coming up from his workshop at 3am.

In the back of his mind, a countdown began ticking down towards Sunday, which would be the next time he’d be allowed to eat something which wasn’t on the list of foods approved by his dietitian. Tony briefly considered popping down to the SI cafeteria where he knew he could find muffins or doughnuts or even Mexican tacos for breakfast, but he knew that FRIDAY would tattle on him to his dietitian, and he paid that woman a lot of money to harass him into eating properly.

Last time he’d broken down and gone for a hamburger in SI’s cafeteria, FRIDAY had put Kath on the intercom and Tony had been yelled at about his poor diet in front of all his coworkers. Not that it stopped him from eating the hamburger or anything, but Pepper said it wasn’t good for employee morale when the company’s owner was publicly questioned on his physical health. She used the phrase _job security_ quite a few times.

With a sigh, Tony grabbed the ingredients for a smoothie and started making his breakfast while FRIDAY turned the coffee on.

After his first cup of coffee and half the smoothie, Tony was considerably more awake and not nearly as grouchy.

“Alright, FRI,” Tony called once he was more awake. “It is officially day…”

“Thirty-two,” FRIDAY helpfully supplied.

“Day thirty-two of Healthy Living Tony! Is that still the name we’re using for this operation? Healthy Living Tony?”

“I thought it had been dubbed Operation Responsible Adult Tony,” FRIDAY told him.

“That was Pepper’s bad idea of a joke. Don’t listen to Pepper’s jokes, FRIDAY. So how’s the day looking so far?”

“You had a 9:00am appointment with marketing which you missed,” she informed him.

“Marketing? Why was I meeting with marketing?” Tony asked.

“You asked to be involved with the packaging design for the Avenger’s video game, back when you called the project your baby and before you completed the coding for the game and abruptly became bored with it.”

“Oh, right,” Tony hummed. The coding for that had been fun. Character design, packaging, and press? Not so much.

“Ms. Potts and Captain Rogers were both in attendance, so you’ll receive the important points of the presentation soon enough.”

“Good deal. And besides that?”

“You have a full calendar, several new texts, a new voicemail, and over a dozen emails you need to go through today,” FRIDAY replied.

Tony groaned.

He had been working _so_ hard for the past month. But apparently, getting work done in a timely manner and being productive meant that people suddenly expected things from him, and every day when he woke up, he had a whole laundry list of things to do first thing in the morning.

Tony much preferred the days when no one tried to contact him until noon. Then, he could have a nice lie in, mess around in his lab or on the internet for a while, or even go for a morning swim (not that he enjoyed swimming all that much anymore).

These days, it was all work, work, work.

Some of the emails would doubtlessly be from what was left of SHIELD, or whatever they were calling themselves these days. What was left of the organization and World Security Council usually contacted Tony through coded memos sent to him through dummy SI employee emails.

Then, there was Tony’s calendar -- ever since Pepper had stopped keeping Tony’s schedule, the thing was a bit of a mess. He often agreed to things which he later regretted (read: 9:00am marketing meeting), or he didn’t actually look at his calendar when he was making appointments with people, and he would double book his schedule. This didn’t used to bother Tony. But then, he didn’t used to care about following through on his commitments.

 _Fucking Ultron_ , Tony internally cursed.

Speaking of which -- Tony was surprised to have several new texts. Anyone who knew him well (read: Pepper, Happy, Rhodey, and the Avengers), knew to text him rather than call if they needed him for anything. And after Ultron, receiving texts was a rare thing.

Maybe Responsible Adult Tony -- _ahem_ , Healthy Living Tony -- was doing him some good after all if people were actually attempting to contact him once again.

Which left the voicemail - hardly anyone left messages when they called him. They knew he’d get to their message sooner if they texted him, and if it was something important, they would keep calling until Tony was on the line with them.

“So much to do, so long until the weekend,” Tony sighed.

Check Calendar - Go to [Chapter 2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31650288)

Check Email - Go to [Chapter 3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31650900)

Check Text Messages - Go to [Chapter 4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31651644)

Check Voice Messages - Go to [Chapter 5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31651833)

Fuck It All - Go to [Chapter 6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31652286)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chose wisely - Sometimes it might go well, sometimes it might go weird.


	2. Calendar

“I suppose we should start the day by untangling my appointments, FRIDAY,” Tony finally said with a decisive nod. “Pepper smiled at me and everything when I met those R&D deadlines last week. Let’s see if we can get a repeat performance.”

“Sure thing, boss,” FRIDAY chirped, and she threw Tony’s schedule for the day onto the nearest holographic surface.

Sure enough, the entire day was a mess of conflicting meetings, some events which he had scheduled himself, and other events and reminders added by the handful of people who had access to Tony’s calendar.

“What’s the meeting with legal for?” Tony asked, instantly noting the four hour chunk of the day which was blocked out in red.

Tony couldn’t recall any scandals which he may have been involved in recently -- he’d been working pretty hard to keep his head low since Ultron. He had also been working hard not to produce any tech which might be considered controversial.

“It’s technically a meeting with PR,” FRIDAY explained. “It’s a brainstorming session on how to improve public opinion of the Avengers.”

“Ugh,” Tony muttered. “Sounds like four hours of listening to people suggest _throw Captain America at it_. As if that’s been working out so well or -- Ooh, meeting with R &D! I haven’t hung out with that lot in a while -- anything exciting on the agenda, FRI?”

“I’ve been instructed not to tell you,” she replied.

“That’s a resounding yes, then. Anything else important today?” Tony asked, his eyes flickering across the screen to inspect the other minor activities which he might or might not attend, depending on which meeting he went to in the afternoon.

“Colonel Rhodes is arriving in the city today,” FRIDAY informed him, maximizing a notification which Rhodey had placed on Tony’s calendar.

“Platypus is coming! Cancel everything, FRIDAY! Shut down the Tower, declare a national holiday, tell Pepper-”

On the holographic screen in front of him, Rhodey’s notification flashed again, and FRIDAY highlighted the portion which pointed out that Rhodey would be staying with Tony for the rest of the week, leaving on Sunday night.

“He'll be here fore several days, boss. You don’t need to play hookie just for him.”

He could if he wanted to, though.

Attend PR meeting - Go to [Chapter 16](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31671669)

Visit R&D - Go to [Chapter 10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31672029)

Goof off with Rhodey -


	3. Email

"Baby steps," Tony reminded himself.

He felt like a bunch of additional responsibilities were being placed on him recently, but it never seemed so horrible after doing his first productive item of the day. Emails were simple and easy, and it would be one thing done in a matter of minuets.

The first few emails which FRIDAY had him look over were of some urgency -- there had been a hiccup with delivering resources to Sokovia, and the relief group with SI worked with was asking for additional funds so that supplies could be flown in. Then, HR had sent him notification that a director of one of SI's production plants was threatening to quit and release sensitive information to the public - Tony forwarded that one to Pepper with a scoff.

Tony clicked through notifications of new articles posted to several academic sites he favored, and then was delighted to find that he had a new email from Thor. Clicking on it, he discovered that Thor had graduated from sending people dog-shaming pictures, and he was now sending people pictures of snakes wearing hats.

Lovely.

Still shaking his head, tony soon found what he'd _really_ been looking for.

The first memo was about sexual harassment in the workplace (meaning that it was an email from Clint). The second memo was about unlawful retaliation (this one was Natasha).

Read about sexual harassment in the workplace - Go to [Chapter 7](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31653873)

Read about unlawful retaliation - Go to [Chapter 22](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31675455)


	4. Text Messages

"Where did I put my phone, FRIDAY?" Tony asked, curious as to his sudden rise in popularity.

He still kept in contact with the old crowd, but everyone had gone their separate ways after Sokovia, and Tony wasn't considered one of the cool kids anymore. He was only invited to the compound in upstate New York every other month or so, and most communication was for business purposes only. Tony figured this would be the new status quo until people were finished licking their wounds, or until they needed him to fly another nuke into outer space.

Tony really hopped that people were contacting him because they were finished licking their wounds and not for the outer space thing.

As Tony eyed the kitchen counters for his phone, FRIDAY told him, "It's in your pocket, boss."

 _No communicating with people until I've finished my second cup, then_ , Tony promised himself as he pulled the cellphone out of his back pocket.

Scrolling through his new messages, Tony frowned at the message from Pepper which was essentially a bitch-fest about the idiots working in marketing (Tony found it amusing that Pepper gave him nasty looks for bad-mouthing his R&D peeps from time-to-time, but then she turned around and did the exact same thing to some of the people in marketing). Then, he quickly glanced at the rest.

 _Still fine_ , Bruce informed him.

It was the same text Bruce had sent him every month for the past half year. At least Bruce was letting him know, although Tony suspected that Bruce was only giving him that much because the other man didn't want Tony actively attempting to track him down, which would happen for sure if Tony didn't hear _anything_ from him.

 _Pepper's in the Tower today_ , Happy wrote. _Working f_ _reelance for the day_.

Tony snorted at the blatant invitation to go out on the town. It wasn't rare for Pepper and her bodyguard to stay in New York for a few days at a time, but it _was_ rare for her not to have meetings or lunch dates in other parts of the city. It had been a while since Tony and Happy had spent time together, and he'd purchased a couple of new cars which Happy hadn't had a chance to drive yet. However, Tony also knew that the man would be just as satisfied spending the day in the lobby, harassing visitors and delivery personnel.

 _We need to talk_ , was the foreboding text from Wanda.

They _did_ need to talk. Tony was perfectly aware of that fact. He and Wanda were able to speak civilly to each other whenever they met - Tony had even grown to like her, a bit. He wasn't sure that any amount of liking her would change the fact that he was uneasy around her, however, and he was not eager to have the conversation which her text implied they would have when they next met.

Then, there was the message from Steve.

 _Are you in the Tower today?_ it read.

Well that was ambiguous, wasn't it? Was that an _Are you in the tower because **We need to talk**_ message? Or was it an _Are you in the Tower because we need to talk business_ message? Or was it an _Are you in the Tower because I miss talking_ message?

Tony hoped it was the _I miss talking_ type, because he was sick of the _talking business_ type, and he wasn't any more ready for Steve's _we need to talk_ message than he was for Wanda's.

Send a reply to Happy - Go to [Chapter 11](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31675188)

Send a reply to Steve - Go to [Chapter 15](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31674330)

Send a reply to Wanda - Go to [Chapter 17](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31675122)

Send a reply to Bruce - Go to [Chapter 21](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31675050)


	5. Voice Messages

"Who the hell left me a voice message?" Tony asked. "Everyone knows to text me or - FRIDAY, where's my phone?"

As Tony looked around his kitchen for the wayward device, FRIDAY informed him, "It's in your pocket."

With a sigh, Tony dug the phone out of his jeans as he went to pour himself another cup of coffee - he clearly needed it.

 _You have one new message and one saved message_ , Tony was informed as he activated the phone's speaker, set the phone on the counter, and poured himself a new cup of coffee.

Play the new message - Go to [Chapter 12](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31675359)

Play the saved message - Go to [Chapter 9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31655559)


	6. Fuck It All

After a moment of deliberation, Tony declared, "I reiterate - the day has already gone to hell, so fuck it. We'll restart tomorrow."

"Whatever you say, boss," FRIDAY replied, her tone perfectly expressing just what she thought of this idea.

"Don't judge," Tony demanded. "I have been very good for a very long time."

"Thirty-two days isn't a long time - not for a situation like this," she replied.

"It's a long time _for me_ ," Tony sniffed. "I have been behaving, doing my work, and keeping away from scandals. If I'm not careful, people might start mistaking me for Steve. And quite frankly, the monotony is driving me insane. I'm doing it, FRIDAY. I'm - I'm - what's it called? I'm taking a _mental health day_. People who work get to do that, right? Well I've been working, so now I get to do that, too. It's official. I declare this day Wild and Crazy Wednesday!"

The proclamation seemed official when Tony made it. He yelled the words, stood in a power stance, and nodded with authority and determination.

When he'd made such declarations in the past, when he was in his twenties, the party usually started _immediately_. Lights grew dim, liquor flowed freely, and music began to play.

This time, no such things occurred. Instead, Tony stood with his feet spread, his hands on his hips, and his chin held high for several long beats of silence. Then, he remembered, "Oh. Right. I'm not friends with strippers or drug dealers anymore. It's Wednesday, and all of my friends are at their day jobs. Crap. FRIDAY, run a search for me - what do good, honest, hardworking people usually do when they take mental health days?"

FRIDAY immediately informed him, "They laze about and watch television. Although it appears that people also _shirk their responsibilities_ when it's a particularly nice day in spring and they wish to spend a day outside after a long winter."

"I can work with that," Tony decided.

Laze about - Go to [Chapter 25](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31675392)

Spend the day outside - Go to [Chapter 20](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31675410)

Find a party - Go to [Chapter 18](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31675434)


	7. Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

Memos from Clint were always fun.

Tony didn't know why he chose sexual harassment for his code, since sex wasn't usually what he was contacting Tony about (although the dirty jokes which the memos sometimes contained were often quite funny and kind of ironic, considering the form in which they were being delivered). Either way, figuring out which weapons upgrades or intel Clint needed based off of PSAs about personal space and inappropriate forms of communication was always a hoot.

Today's memo was actually one which Tony found interesting in and of itself, considering that it was addressing recent gender-identity reforms. For a few moments, Tony forgot that he was supposed to be looking for a coded message from Clint within the email.

With a shake of his head, Tony said, "FRIDAY, make sure HR gets training on these new reforms and that the company mandates appropriate sensitivity protocols. Damnit, Barton, you better not have any time-sensitive requests in this thing - I just spent half an hour _not_ paying attention to anything you might have been trying to tell me."

After getting to work on actually decoding the memo, Tony realized exactly why Barton had sent his message in something about gender-identity reforms.

"You have got to be kidding me," Tony muttered as he reviewed the details of Clint's current mission. "The guy's torso is built like a brick house. He might look great in heels, but they'd never let him into a place like that. He would be too tranny and not enough lady-boy."

Reading over the missive again, Tony realized that Clint was well aware of his limitations, and he was contacting Tony in the hopes that _he_ would have a suitable alternative available.

Rolling his eyes, Tony clicked _reply_.

 

Give sarcastic response - Go to [Chapter 8](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31654491)

Provide Clint with information - Go to [Chapter 14](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31654977)

Offer to meet up so that Tony can smack so sense into him - Go to [Chapter 13](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31655031)


	8. Sarcastic Response

_Is SHIELD so understaffed that they can't find a male agent who looks decent in a dress?_ Tony wrote.

 _It isn't an issue of being understaffed_ , Barton wrote back. _It's an issue of the image standards which Tall Blonde and Beefcake has set. We can't find a single guy capable of field work who doesn't make the dress' seams burst_.

Tony was writing a reply when his phone rang.

"Hill's chewing me out about maintaining coded communication," Barton informed Tony when he answered it. "And now she's chewing me out for using unsecured channels of communication. Thanks for getting me in trouble, Stark."

"You were in trouble long before I got involved," Tony replied. "Cristello's? Seriously? What sort of sting are you running? Are the waiters preforming medical procedures for wanted terrorists in the back rooms?"

"That's your guess?" Barton asked. "Plastic surgery on criminals? Not drugs or extortion or-"

"Cristello's is high-class," Tony replied. "It's an _institution_. The people who go there are ligit. What you're talking about is mob-level, FBI shenanigans, not SHIELD-"

"Okay, okay. Yes. You were right," Barton sighed.

"Wait, seriously?'

"No - not about the plastic surgery , but about the terrorist . We're gathering info on a guy who's taking his date there this evening."

Rolling his eyes, Tony informed Barton, "Have you even cased the place? Barton, get someone in there as a bartender. They have bars in every single room, the rooms aren't large, and the music doesn't drown out conversation. Make sure the couple is seated in whichever section your man is stationed, give him a pair of those nifty amplifiers I designed for you last year, and you're good to go."

"How many times have _you_ been to Cristello's?" Barton asked.

"This year?" Tony replied.

Snorting, Barton told him, "Okay, okay. Maria, did you get all that? Good. In that case, I'm going home. What do you say, Stark? Since you're the one helping me get out of work, I can help you get out of yours."

Visit the farm with Clint -

Suggest Clint help with work, rather than help get out of work - 


	9. Saved Message

"I have a _saved_ message?" Tony incredulously asked. "FRIDAY?"

At Tony's prompting, an unfamiliar voice filled Tony's kitchen.

" _Hey, so, the television says that you're on the other side of the world blowing up cities and shit - very impressive, by the way. You do you - but I was just calling because I thought you might want to know that there's a bunker full of your weapons right here in the middle of the good ol' USofA. You're Tony Stark, right? And you have a thing about people hoarding Stark weapons, yeah? That's your thing? I don't know, I haven't actually heard anyone complaining about you killing them or destroying their hard stolen weapons lately, so maybe you stopped caring or something. Happens to us all. Anywho! I just wanted you to know that this stash is here, just in case you_ did _still care about that kind of stuff, because I've heard that you can be kinda nasty about people keeping that kinda stuff secret. So. Full disclosure. I killed the guys who were hoarding all this, but I don't know if anyone else knows about the bunker or not, and honestly I don't really care. About the bunker. Or the weapons. Well, I_ kinda _care about the weapons, because I'm taking a few of these guns and I'm_ definitely _taking that bazooka - Hello gorgeous. Come to daddy. Would you like to go to your new home? You'll like it, I promise. You'll have lots of stuffed animals and ammo to play with, and I'll never ignore you or mistreat you- yeah, this bazooka is mine now. I'm formally adopting it, and it is taking my last name. Have fun with the rest of this mess. Or not. If you don't, like, care anymore or something. Deadpool out!"_

When the call ended, Tony stood in stunned silence for several moments.

"FRIDAY?" he finally asked.

"I reviewed this message as soon as I came online," she replied. "You were busy helping with the relief effort in Sokovia at the time, so I took the liberty of tracking down the bunker in question, having the weapons removed and dismantled, and then having the bunker filled in."

"That's my girl," Tony weakly replied. "Except that whoever that madman was, I... I think he still has some of my weapons, and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that."

 

Track down Deadpool and make sure his home is a suitable environment for a Stark bazooka -

Call the police and let them deal with -

 


	10. Visit R&D

There was no contest - not really. Meeting with legal would be torture, and Tony would have a few days with Rhodey - he hadn't been down to R&D in _ages_ , and he was getting twitchy. The last few weeks, he'd been working on putting the finishing touches on projects which were going into production, and he wanted to play with some new ideas.

"Let the kiddies in R&D know that I'll be down to play this afternoon," Tony announced after he had made his decision. With a gleeful grin, Tony declared, "This is going to be fun."

Tony spent the morning rooting around in his workshop to take some of his more developed projects down to the meeting - nothing big, but some of the little things which he'd started and often didn't have time for, what with so many _high priority_ projects distracting him. Hopefully, some of his peeps in R &D would have time to flesh the tech out.

After grabbing a quick lunch (he _did not_ sneak any extra dressing onto his salad, FRIDAY, don't call Kath!), Tony grabbed the loot from his workshop and headed to the 22nd floor of the Tower.

"Clarissa!" Tony cried in greeting to the receptionist when he stepped off the elevator.

"Cynthia," the woman absently corrected, hardly glancing at Tony as she typed furiously at her computer's keyboard. "Did you bring appropriate safety gear this time, Mr. Stark?"

"I did," Tony solemnly promised.

"And you'll _wear_ it?" the woman pressed.

" _Yes_ , mom, I'll wear it," Tony said with a roll of his eyes.

"I am not your mother," the woman snapped, even though she was old enough that she could be. "If I were, you wouldn't be allowed to so much as stand in my lobby, not after what happened last time you came strutting into my department-"

"Look, I'm putting on my goggles now," Tony huffed as he fumbled with the duffle he was carrying and pulled out said safety goggles. "And I'm wearing my steel-toed boots, and I brought-"

"If anything happens today, I won't be calling an ambulance, Mr. Stark. I'll be putting in a call strait to Ms. Potts, and I'll make sure you never visit the labs again-"

With a heavy sigh, Tony started towards what he fondly called the Blast Zone. Cynthia was highly protective of her work space, and she had never forgiven Tony for the elastic goo indecent. She would badger him for the rest of the afternoon, if he let her.

"Gather round, kiddies!" Tony called as he entered the R&D offices. "I come bearing partially completed gifts!"

Visits to the Blast Zone were Tony's favorites. There were technically ten floors of R&D in Stark Tower, but most of those focused on researching and developing products for mass production. The Blast Zone was where creation happened, however, and Tony spent a fraction of the time there than he did on the other R&D floors.

Tony loved the 22nd floor, and the folks there loved him.

He was therefor a bit put out when his greeting was met with silence.

"FRIDAY, where is everyone?" Tony asked.

"They appear to be providing their guest with a tour of the Blast Zone's facilities. They're taking a look at the fabricator just now."

"Guest? What guest?"

"Wilson's guest. He dropped his friend off to have a look around while he's running his meeting."

Tony huffed and began marching towards the fabricator. "I never should have agreed to give him use of our conference rooms," Tony groused. "You give 'um an inch and they leave me to baby-sit their hanger-ons. Who's this friend of his, FRI, and why has he been given access to proprietary research facilities in my tower?"

"His name is Scott Lang, boss, and Wilson is attempting to recruit him to the Avengers."

Tony could see as much- when he came upon the glass wall which provided a view of the fabrication unit, he found his gaggle of nerds surrounding a guy who was wearing a suit of some kind. Who the hell wore their suits around New York when they weren't super-heroing? Wannabes. That's who. Tony was surprised this Lang guy wasn't already claiming a bunk bed at the compound. Guys like this didn't usually need recruiting - they knocked on the front door and begged to join the party.

"What. The hell. Is that?" Tony asked as he stepped into the room and saw what was coming out of the fabricating unit - The duckies were letting the new guy play around with the fabricator! Use of the fabricator was a _privilege_ which his techs were only granted after they produced their first usable blueprints! Did anyone even _read_ the sign about the fabricator not being a toy?!

"Don't worry, Tony," Matt said with a grin as the fabricator put the finishing paint job on whatever monstrosity Lang had it putting together. "He's using repurposed materials from other failed projects - plastic only, no proprietary or experimental materials included, I promise."

"Why?" was all Tony could ask when the object was complete.

"Cassie will love it!" Lang announced as he picked up the misshapen, mangled form which appeared to be an elephant. An elephant experimenting with drag. An elephant experimenting with drag after being abandoned by Dr. Frankenstein.

"You have access to one of the most technologically advanced production machines in the world, and you used it to make _that?_ " Tony incredulously asked.

"Hey, I was forced to work with what I had and - Oh my God. You're Tony Stark! I am a _huge_ fan. I mean, you might be my nemesis or something, but holy shit! You're Tony Stark! I'm talking with Tony Stark right now!"

"Dude, you're freaking Tony Stark out right now," Lisa corrected. "Which is really impressive, actually. His threshold for weird is kinda skewed."

"I don't think anyone's ever called me their nemesis and fangirled over me in the same breath," Tony pointed out. "I mean, do I know you? With a getup like that, I think I would remember if we'd met before. I usually remember the ones who wear suits and masks."

Straitening his back and squaring his shoulders, Lang declared, "Hank Pym's warned me about you!"

"Pym?" Tony repeated. "Hank Pym? I thought that guy was retired. I thought he retired before I was even _born_. I mean, Hope's never been overly fond of me, but I haven't hung out with her since... well, since I got out of the weapons business. And we agreed that it would never work out between us, so-"

"Wait, what?"

"-I don't know why her father would be upset."

"You dated Hope?!"

"I wouldn't call it _dating_. It was, like, a week in Vancouver. Once the convention ended, we went our separate ways and-"

"For science's sake, Mr. Stark, shut up," Jason hissed. "I think you're talking about his girlfriend!"

"Right. My bad," Tony sighed. "Okay, let's start over. Hi, my name is Tony Stark. I have _not_ slept with your girlfriend. Not for lack of trying, but my daddy issues and her daddy issues just didn't mesh, you know? Also, I'm Iron Man, and if you're going to go around proclaiming that you're my nemesis, you'd better have a damn good reason for being in my house and around my tech, because good things don't happen to my enemies when they encroach on my territory, you know?"

Tony was gratified to see Lang cowed.

"Right," the other man said with a nervous laugh. "Starting over. Good. Hi, My name's Scott Lang. Thanks for letting me use your replicator to make a toy for my daughter."

Tony glanced from the horrific plastic elephant to the unmasked hero and sighed.

Commit to starting over and talk science -

Ask about Scott's daughter - Go to [Chapter 24](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31733058)


	11. Reply to Happy

Overwhelmed by the drama-bomb with was his message inbox, Tony typed _Head on up_ and sent the message to Happy.

When Happy arrived, he greeted Tony with a tight hug - the hugging was a new thing for them, but had become commonplace since the mess with AIM, and Tony always returned Happy's hugs with gusto.

"New badge?" Tony asked when they broke away from the quick embrace.

"Birthday present from Pepper," Happy proudly reported. "Hard case and a magnetic latch - doesn't tear up my suits or cause wrinkles."

"Uh-huh," Tony hummed as he rubbed at the spot on his chest which the badge had dug into during their hug.

"You're not one to complain," Happy reminded him with a grin, tapping the arc reactor in Tony's chest.

Tony usually hatted it when people pointed out the discomfort of his arc reactor - the device was uncomfortable for him, and it was uncomfortable for other people, as well. Pepper had trained him into giving her hugs from the side when they'd been together. It turned out that pressing the arc reactor against women's breasts was painful.

Happy never flinched away from him, though, or at least he hadn't since the hugging started.

Tony found it strange that the conflict with Killian had destroyed his relationship with Pepper, but it had strengthened his friendship with Happy.

"Want some smoothie?" Tony asked, tipping his cup towards Happy.

"I'll trade you," he replied, wiggling his eyebrows as he held up a wrinkled paper bag.

Tony snatched at the bag as Happy took what was left to Tony's breakfast drink.

"You're my new favorite," Tony declared as he opened the bag and found that Happy had snuck him a chocolate eclair. "FRIDAY, you're fired. Happy, I'm stealing you from Pepper."

"Old conversation, boss. Let it die," Happy laughed.

Tony pouted but didn't resurrect the argument which always ended with Happy telling him, _Iron Man doesn't need a bodyguard, and you may be my friend but I won't be your mother_.

"So?" Happy asked as he sipped at the smoothie, "What are your plans for the day?"

Harass visitors and tourists -

Invite Happy to take a new car for a drive -


	12. New Message

"Who tried calling me, FRIDAY?"

"It's that kid you've been having me keep an eye on," she replied.

"What kid?" Tony asked. "Harvey? Harvey!"

"Not that one, boss. The other one. With the super strength and and the spider-themed costume."

"Oh, yeah, that guy - wait. Why is he calling me? How did he figure out that I was keeping an eye-"

"I suggest you listen to the message and find out, boss," FRIDAY replied. Tony was glad that he hadn't given her a chassis - he could hear her rolling her eyes, and Tony was glad he didn't have to watch it in real time.

"Go ahead, then, sass-monster," Tony groused.

" _Hey, so, um, hi. That lady from security gave me your number - She said you were sleeping, and she'd have someone take care of it, but I thought you might like to know that I've trapped someone on your roof. I mean, he was trying to break in, and I stopped him. Or, well, the lady said he wouldn't have gotten in either way, but I stopped him from running after he figured that out. I figured it was kind of a big deal? That someone was trying to break into your tower? Or your house or whatever? The lady said you were sleeping, so I figure it's your house. Anyways, I thought you might want to talk to the guy - he wouldn't talk to me. Or he did, but not really. He talked about killing me a whole bunch, but that didn't seem helpful or constructive so... maybe you'd have better luck. So I thought you might want to know. Oh, this is Spider Man, by the way. Have a good night and, uh, good luck with that guy!"_

"Uh, FRIDAY?" Tony asked.

"The authorities were notified, but after the kid left, the perp used some tech he had hidden on his person to escape before the authorities could arrive, at which point the threat was relegated to Level Six, instead of my initial evaluation of Level Three. The perp disappeared - literally disappeared - before I could alert you, however."

"Right," Tony sighed. "It's probably a good thing I didn't get into a tussle with anyone on my front porch. Not with the fire the Avengers are under in the media. Any idea who this guy might have been, FRIDAY?"

"No luck there, boss. The kid wanted to unmask him, but statistically speaking, people who attempt to steal from you are usually part of terrorist organizations, and I didn't think he was ready to get involved in that kind of fight. Regretfully, now that the perp has escaped, Spider Man is on his radar. Also, while my sensors and recorded footage gained quite a bit of information on the intruder, the kid's super senses may have picked up on additional information which would help in identifying the man or any organizations he might be affiliated with."

"Crap," Tony sighed.

Enslist Peter Parker's assistance in tracking down the intruder - Go to [Chapter 23](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31702230)

Warn Peter Parker of the intruder's escape but let him know that Tony will deal with the situation himself -

 


	13. Meet up With Clint

_Keep your shady governmental organization away from Cristello's_ , Tony wrote.

 _You know the place?_ Clint immediately responded.

_How do you think wealthy bi playboys entertain themselves in their 20s? Of course I know Cristello's, and I fucking love it. Get over here. You're not going in unless you look me in the eye and promise me you're not going to ruin one of the only happy memories I have of  the 90s._

* * *

"If you take a single gun or a weapon in-"

"It's a stake-out, Stark," Clint told him with a roll of his eyes. "Honestly, if we had the equipment which SHIELD used to provide to us, no one would _need_ to go in - Dude, what is up with your fridge? Why isn't there anything edible in here?"

"You're using me," Tony decided.

"Yeah, for information. I mean, we hardly know what the layout looks like. Cristello's is exclusive as fuck. Our male agents don't look feminine enough, and our female agents don't look masculine enough, to get in. We-"

"Want tech and money," Tony accused.

"Nuh-uh!" Clint argued.

"Yes-huh! Coming in here and guilting me about not providing tech to whatever your secret organization is calling itself these days and then complaining about the food in my fridge - I'm the only one allowed to complain about that shit, since I'm the one who has to eat it! I'm not catering to your desire to order take-out. Not until Sunday-"

"Dude, chill. I don't care about the tech _or_ the food just now. Jeez, you're seriously worked up about us going to Cristello's huh? Look, I only came here because I was hoping you might know someone who could get inside. Like I said, none of our agents could pull it off. Are you still in contact with any of the... ladies who used to accompany you?"

With a suggestive leer, Tony replied, "Who said that I wasn't the one doing the accompanying?"

At this, Clint perked up, "Oh-ho, Anthony!"

"Antonia," Tony corrected with a grin.

"You, my friend, are a lifesaver! I owe you _so hard_ -"

"Whoa, whoa, back up, Clint!" Tony said, laughing. "I am no dressing up for Cristello's. It's been over ten years, and I don't exactly have the figure for Cristello's anymore-"

"It's all a matter of perspective," Clint replied with a grin. "You're still pretty slim, _Tonia_ , and standing next to me, you'll be seem like a dainty little lady. Come _on_ , man. Please! You'd really be doing me a favor, and it's been ages since we had a night out on the town-"

"One: I am not shaving my goatee for you. Two: If I wanted a night out on the town with you, I wouldn't spend the evening wearing heels."

"Not even for the chance to make Steve swallow his tongue and blush five ways to Sunday?" Clint wheedled.

Tony blinked - he hadn't considered that option. It had been a long, _long_ time since he'd gotten under Steve's skin in a way that had nothing to do with mass destruction or the loss of life.

"We'll need to go shopping," he finally decided.

Invite Steve to join in on the shopping montage -

Show off the final product after Tony and Clint are ready for their date -


	14. Provide Clint with Information

Tony thought that Clint was going about this entirely the wrong way, but then, the right way wasn't always the fun way, was it?

_I might have an idea_ , Tony wrote. _Meet me in Greenwich Village._

An hour latter, Tony and Clint were grinning at each other as they met in Washington Square Park.

It was good to see Clint again. He'd been pretty shaken up by Ultron and had spent several months with Laura and the kids before growing restless and tiptoeing back into action.

Surprisingly, Clint had been the first person to forgive Tony for the incident in Sokovia.

As soon as Clint had teamed back up with SHIELD, he'd shown up at the Tower with Chinese takeout and a box of beers. The pair of them had shared a pleasant meal, catching up with each other for a while before starting in on _the conversation_ (you know, the one that Tony had been avoiding having with anyone else).

"It wasn't your fault, man. Not really," Clint had informed Tony.

Tony had met this announcement with an incredulous look, asking, "How can you say that? If I hadn't lost the plot and created Ultron-"

" _It wasn't your fault_ ," Clint had insisted. "No more than New York was mine."

"New York and Sokovia were completely different things," Tony had pointed out.

"Tony, I saw you. I saw the _look_ on your face. You weren't responsible for that - you weren't in control. Not really."

Tony hadn't believed him then, and he still didn't. But he was trying to do better, these days, and Clint's support meant the world to him.

He supposed he could support Clint, as well.

Supporting Clint didn't mean that Tony couldn't fuck with him a bit, though.

"Where are we going?" Clint asked as they walked away from the park. "When you said you had an idea on how to get me into Cristello's, I half expected you were taking me out for a makeover."

"Right in one, Birdbrain," Tony replied with a shit-eating grin.

Clint's eyebrows rose. "Seriously? This makeover doesn't involve plastic surgery, does it? Because I don't think anything less would get me through the door."

"No scalpels, and nothing permanent," Tony promised. "At least, I don't think so. The guy we're going to go see -- he's an old buddy of mine. Used to be one of the best surgeons in the world, although he doesn't practice medicine anymore. Now, he's a miracle worker. And that's what you're getting this afternoon - a miracle."

Clint was now looking at Tony as if he were insane, but after a few moments...

"Anthony Edward Stark, are you taking me to get a makeover from _Stephen Strange_?" he incredulously asked.

"Yes," Tony replied with a shit-eating grin. "Yes I am."

* * *

 "Tony," Strange greeted with raised eyebrows and a tight smile. "Is the world ending?"

"Why would you think that?" Clint asked as he inspected the various relics which were on display.

"Because last time I saw Tony, he informed me that he wouldn't ask for my assistance for anything less."

"Technically," Tony put in, "I said I didn't want anything to do with your bullshit hoccus-poccus and that I would be tempted to allow the world to end if the alternative was relying on you. I've had some time to think it over, though, and I realized that I may have been a little hasty and a little harsh."

"I see," Strange drawled. "In that case, how can I help you?"

"I need for you to give my friend some boobs."

"Excuse me?" Strange hissed.

"That won't be too difficult for you, will it?" Tony asked. "I mean, we don't want a strait-up sex change. Just, you know, give him some boobs, narrow shoulders, maybe a longer neck and a pointed jaw?"

"If your friend would like cosmetic surgery, I happen to know several very good doctors-"

"Yeah, here's the thing - He only needs to look like a lady for the evening. I'd explain, but it's for a serious government operation and-"

"I see," Strange said, his eyes narrowed at Tony. "You'll ask for my assistance if the world is ending, or if you mean to treat my abilities as a joke."

"No joke," Clint finally put in. "I'm spying on a known terrorist, and the place he's going tonight is... kind of exclusive."

"Cristello's," Tony explained.

Strange immediately relaxed. "Ah. I see. Yes, Cristello's does have rather high standards. Several of my former colleagues made their names preforming the operations which granted people access to the establishment. A terrorist, you say?"

"Enemy of the American people," Clint confirmed.

"Very well. It may take me some time to find something which would meet your very... specific criteria, but I think I'll be able to help."

"My man Strange!" Tony crowed.

Offer to help with Strange's research -

Leave Strange to his work -


	15. Reply to Steve

Steadying himself, Tony wrote, _Why, planning on stopping by_? and sent the message off to Steve.

Tony received a reply almost instantly. _Just got out of a meeting which you were supposed to attend. On my way up_.

Exhaling sharply, Tony muttered, "Shit. He's pissed. FRIDAY, throw up my latest project - no, my latest _three_ projects. If Steve asks, I didn't sleep in. I was just really, really busy."

"Don't bother," Steve called as the elevator opened. "FRIDAY told on you when you didn't show for the meeting."

"Come on, FRI, you're supposed to have my back," Tony muttered. With a sigh, he reclaimed his smoothie and sipped at it, propping his hip against the counter as Steve came into the kitchen. "How'd it go, then?"

Steve shrugged, one of those The Future is So Weird looks on his face. "I guess it's a good thing that you fought against a battle arena type game, or a shooting game. Public opinion isn't in a good place right now, and releasing something like that would just... incite more controversy. Pepper says the adventure/puzzle game you created will go over much better."

"What, did you want a game where the team was battling Nazis or something?" Tony asked, uncertain as to why Steve seemed discontent with this information.

"No, it's just... we watched some of the game-play and it just... it was weird."

"Are you talking about the magic level? Because most of that was a dream sequence and-"

"No, no, nothing like that. It just... It put me in a strange mood," Steve finished with a shake of his head. "I thought I'd come check on you while I was in the Tower -- We haven't seen you out at the compound in a while. You doing okay?"

Press the issue and ask about Steve's strange mood - Go to [Chapter 19](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31674837)

Honestly reply -

Avoid the question by bringing up Avengers business -


	16. Attend PR Meeting

Considering his options, Tony released a long breath. "I've put it off long enough, haven't I, FRIDAY? Any longer and this shit-storm will get out of control. Let Pepper know I'll be attending the PR -- I mean the meeting with _legal_."

"Sure thing, boss," Friday chirped.

* * *

 Tony knew that something was wrong when he walked into the meeting and realized that only half of the people there were his employees.

"Mr. Stark," the head of Stark Legal, Turner Hessing, greeted him with a smile. The expression didn't reach the man's eyes, though, and when he shook Tony's hand, his grip was three shades too tight.

Crap.

"Not another PR meeting after all?" Tony asked.

"I'm afraid not," Hessing replied. "These gentlemen are here with the government."

"Tony!" Thaddeus Ross cried with a shark-like grin and his arms spread wide. "It's been too long!"

"Thunderbolt Ross!" Tony replied as he put on his best smile and moved to clasp the man's arm. "I never thought I'd see you in a conference room again. I thought you weren't talking to me anymore."

"I may be an old man, but I'm not as set in my ways as some people might think," Ross replied. "I followed your lead and got away from the weapons business."

Tony had a very, _very_ difficult time believing that. Ross didn't profit from weapons, like Tony used to. Ross _relied_ on weapons. Weapons were his religion, his purpose in life, and the end all be all of his existence. Ross didn't _get away_ from weapons. And in this day and age? Tony knew perfectly well that guns weren't the only weapon out there. Just because Ross wasn't holding a knife to Tony's neck didn't mean that the man didn't have some other well sharpened blade ready to throw.

"Thank you for meeting with us today, Tony," Ross finished with another large grin. "We won't take more than a few minutes of your time, and then you can get on with your meeting."

* * *

"Well?" Tony asked.

"This is happening one way or the other," Hessing informed him. "The UN is already involved, and several dozen countries have already started conversing about creating committees and assigning representatives. The only way to get ahead of this is to get involved _now_. I'd like to appoint Tessa Lorenzo to head Stark Industrie's involvement. Her experiance with the international branches has provided her with a number of connections throughout the world. For her assistant, Bobby Hawthson. He has ten years in DC under his belt."

Tony sat back in his chair with a groan. "Fuck. If it's not one thing, it's another."

"If it makes you feel better, Mr. Stark, I can assure you that you made a good choice in coming into work today. The guys from PR are on their way up. Tessa and Bobby are coming to shadow the meeting, and we're going to figure out how we might be able to improve the Avenger's public image before the meetings begin. Anything that could help."

"Alright, alright," Tony said with a sigh. "Everybody, take ten. Maddy? Your name is Maddy, right? Head down the cafeteria - have them send up a buffet and coffee. Lots of coffee. I'm going to go make some calls."

Call the Avengers -

Call Pepper -


	17. Reply to Wanda

_Better bite the bullet_ , Tony decided. Putting it off probably wouldn't help anyone.

 _When and where?_ he asked Wanda. _Want me to come up to the compound?_

Wanda didn't immediately reply. Tony slipped his phone back into his pocket, finished off his smoothie, wandered down to the workshop, and he was elbows deep in a project before his phone sounded an alert for an incoming message. 

_Yes_ , was the reply.

"Okay. And when?" he asked with an aggravated sigh. "For dinner? Lunch? Right now? You better not be in the shower or something when I show up, Wanda. FRIDAY, set up a suit for me, thanks. I'm headed upstate."

* * *

Tony didn't like visiting the compound. It was a _compound_ , for fuck's sake. It didn't look much different from when it was an SI storage facility, honestly, except that the lawn was manicured and a few windows had been added.

Tony was aware that much more had been done to the facilities than that, but it didn't seem like it was his, no matter how many times his name was stamped across it. Rhodey, Sam, and Steve had done most of the design, so the place seemed more like a military barracks than a home. It was all function and no form. And most of the people who lived there weren't his family. Tony felt like an intruder half of the time when he visited.

Not that he let anyone know that. Tony _did_ own the place, after all, so he entered in a way which reflected this fact.

"Vis!" Tony greeted when he walked in and found Vision lounging in an armchair, reading a magazine. "How's it going, buddy?"

"Hello, Tony," Vision responded, his tone soothing and his small smile exactly as Tony had always envisioned JARV-

"What ya readin?" Tony asked. "Is that... _Better Homes and Gardens_?"

"Sam has suggested that I take up a hobby," Vision replied. "I thought I might try growing some herbs."

"Oh. Finding any helpful hints in there?" Tony asked, nodding at the publication.

"No. This magazine seems to focus less on gardening and more on interior decor," he replied with an slight frown. "I find that it's rather pleasant, regardless."

"Okay then. Good for you. Is Wanda around?"

Vision's eyebrow (or where his eyebrow would be if he had any hair on his body) rose. "Wanda has been doing an extensive amount of meditation over the past several days. If she's not in her room, she'll probably be in the library. Or perhaps she'll be on the roof. Although, she sometimes likes to find quite places within the surrounding forest to meditate."

"Wonderful," Tony said with a sigh.

Track down Wanda -

Hang out with Vision -


	18. Find a party

"I shouldn't be hanging out with drug dealers anymore anyway," Tony muttered. "I guess I'll simply have to start the action myself. FRIDAY, what's going down on the SI floors. Any areas I should avoid?"

"If your intention is _not_ to work?" FRIDAY replied. "All of the fun floors are out, for sure. I would also advise that you avoid running into anyone from Marketing, PR, the Legal department-"

"So you're saying that I should go and hang out with the lunch ladies in the cafeteria?" Tony interrupted.

"It seems that the cafeteria and HR are your only options, Boss," FRIDAY confirmed.

Finishing off his smoothie, Tony declared, "HR? Seriously? I'd totally hang with the lunch ladies if I could, but they've all got Kath's number. Human resources it is! Take me down, FRIDAY."

* * *

Human Resources was not Tony's territory. Human Resources was firmly in Pepper's territory. It had _always_ been Pepper's territory, and Tony couldn't remember _ever_ stepping foot near the HR floor, offices, or employees.

"Am I still in Stark Tower right now?" Tony asked as he walked into a PSA personified. The walls were _beige_ , and there were a number of posters on one of the walls, all of them detailing basic human rights and employee rights, and all of them stamped with various government seals.

"Um, Mr. Stark?" Phil Coulson's awkward younger brother asked.

"Who are you?" Tony asked the unremarkable man. He had dark hair, his glasses weren't fitted correctly and they tilted on his face, and he was wearing a green bow tie.

"I'm, er, I'm Todd Birch, sir. I work in hiring? Is there... something I can help you with?"

"Eh," Tony said with a shrug. "Whatcha up to today?"

"Well," the man said slowly, glancing from Tony to the SI issued tablet he was holding. "I'm conducting job interviews today."

"Anyone interviewing for R&D?" Tony asked.

"Specialty departments usually do their own interviewing," Birch replied. "We only see that lot once they're ready to set up their benefit packages and need to do their standard SI training. I'm interviewing administrative assistants today."

"Oh," Tony said, his enthusiasm visibly diminished.

"Yeah," Birch replied with a twist of his lips.

Tony started at the man for several long moments, and the man stared back.

"Mind if I join you?" Tony asked.

Birch blinked at him. "You want to... help me interview prospective administrative assistants?" the man slowly confirmed.

"Not really, but I don't have any other plans for the day, and I'm trying to avoid doing any real work."

The man blanched at this, and Tony quickly backtracked. "Not that interviewing potential employees _isn't_ real work! You, Todd Birch, are an integral and appreciated member of the Stark Industries team. I'm sure that you do _loads_ or real work. I mean, I assume. Since I've never actually _seen_ you work before, and Pepper says that my standards of productivity are highly skewed or something. I guess that if I watch you work, I can simply judge for myself and-"

"I'm five minutes late to my first appointment, actually," the man quickly intervened. "If you're not... here for something... You're welcome to join me, I suppose, since you own the company. Or, uh... There was a birthday for one of the managers yesterday, so I think there's leftover cake in the break room. Or you can check out the new employee orientation."

Sit in on the interview -

What the hell is new employee orientation? -


	19. Press the Issue and Ask After Steve

"A video game demo put you in a weird mood?" Tony incredulously asked. "Come on, Rodgers. Spill."

Steve rolled his eyes. "It wasn't what I was expecting, is all. I thought that a lot of it _would_ be propaganda, and I - what are you drinking?"

"Fruit smoothie," Tony replied. "My dietitian - have you met Kath?"

"I introduced you to Kath," Steve replied with a grin.

"Ah, then I have you to blame for all of this healthy eating I've been doing. She insists I have a certain amount of fruit and veggies every day. It's maddening."

"How about some eggs?" Steve asked.

"Steve Rogers, are you offering to cook me breakfast? Don't you have to get back to the compound and run drills, or help Fury pick up the sorry remains of his secret spy organization, or rescue kittens from trees, or-"

"Move aside, Stark," Steve demanded with a grin. "Let's get you a real breakfast before all of those healthy fruits and veggies make your brain work any faster and you waste the day coming up with fictional good deeds for me to complete."

Tony blinked as Steve moved past him and into the kitchen, quickly finding a frying pan and setting it on the stove while he got the eggs and butter out of the fridge. Steve hadn't just... hung out with him in Tony couldn't remember how long. Between SHIELD, and Barnes, the new Avengers, and the million of other things Steve was involved in (not to mention the million of things Tony was involved in), they hardly had time for quick phone calls - and even those had been rather terse lately.

Tony was immediately suspicious.

He wanted a real meal more than he wanted to interrogate Steve, however, so he didn't immediately question Steve's motives. Instead, Tony absently messed around on his phone as Steve made omelets.

"Working on anything exciting?" Steve asked after a few minutes of chopping veggies.

"Not at the moment," Tony replied with a huff. "For the last couple of weeks, I've been spending my time getting things ready for production. Finishing touches, little changes type stuff. I mean, it's exciting that a whole boat load of stuff if almost ready for production, and it will be great once we start getting this stuff out on the market, but I haven't had a good creative binge in a while. You?"

"Nah," Steve replied.

Steve was lying, but Tony didn't call him out on it. If Rogers didn't want to talk with him about his search for the Winter Soldier, or about how poorly training with Wanda was going, or about his continued association with SHIELD-but-not-SHIELD, or about Ultron, then fine.

Damn, their lives had really gone to shit.

"You watch the last Dodgers game?" Tony asked.

"No," Steve said with a frown. "I haven't had time to watch the last few games, actually."

"Perfect. Neither have I. FRIDAY?"

"Not in the kitchen, Tony," Steve huffed. "Not while I'm cooking. We've talked about this."

"I think we've talked about how hilarious I think it is when you throw eggs at the TV whenever you don't like a call-"

"And instead of sitting down and enjoying the game _and_ the food, like I should, I have to clean eggs off of the wall and floor-"

"You don't _have_ to-"

"I don't care how often housecleaning comes up to your floor! Leaving a mess like that for them to clean up is just _disrespectful_ -"

"You haven't been around for the last few upgrades, Steve-o. I have robots for _messes like that_ these days-"

"Oh my God. Stark, gross-"

"Me?! Blame Clint and Natasha! It was their weird-ass-sexcapades which created demand-"

"Oh my _God_ , we agreed to never talk about that-"

"We agreed never to talk about the time we walked _in_ on that. Just because there was never a repeat performance doesn't mean that it never happened again. And since _Pepper_ is the person housecleaning reports to, she was the one who made me create the bots-"

Steve gave a heavy, put upon sigh. He despised any reminders of that particular event, as well as any reminders that the event may have been one which occurred on a regular basis. He hadn't been able to look Clint or Natasha in the eye for a month after it happened, and the Avengers agreed that said event was the reason Steve stopped blushing whenever anyone mentioned a particularly kinky sex act.

"Go get the game up in the living room," Steve finally demanded. "Leave me to cook in peace, _please_."

Laughing, Tony moved to follow orders.

* * *

The game was a good one, even though the Dodgers lost.

That was probably because for a little while, Steve and Tony weren't talking about anything of importance. They weren't digging into new wounds, or talking about their fears for the future, or worrying about the current state of things.

For a little while, things were okay.

it only lasted for as long as the game lasted, of course, but the food and a couple hours of mindless entertainment helped them relax, and so when they did start talking, it wasn't so bad.

"Any word from Bruce?" Steve asked once FRIDAY started playing the post game commentary.

"Yeah - the usual. Barnes?"

"Same," Steve sighed.

"Give it time," Tony demanded.

"There might not _be_ time. He's in danger - Hydra might still be out there and looking for him, and he's not well. He needs help," Steve said. There wasn't any real vitriol behind the words, and Tony realized that Steve had probably recited them a dozen times to a dozen different people.

With a long sigh, Tony said, "He probably doesn't _want_ help right now. He's trying to... figure out who he is and where he's going from here, and that's not something that someone else can help him with."

"He's my best friend," Steve ground out. "I can't _abandon_ him."

"You should talk to Pepper," Tony decided.

"What?" Steve asked, blinking in confusion. He'd been tensing up, preparing for a fight which Tony didn't doubt he'd had many, many times, but now his shoulders were slumping, and he just looked tired.

"You should talk to Pepper. About... about how she dealt with me after Afghanistan. I didn't make her life easy -- Sometimes I was even intentionally cruel. I know that people make it sound like I came back from Afghanistan and I was suddenly a different person, but that's not at all what happened. When I got back, I was the same person, but with a different outlook on life and with different priorities. It took me... I wanted to be a good person, but I didn't know _how_ to be a good person. I acted selfishly, and impulsively, and... honestly, I'm still figuring it out. I still make bad decisions and I mess things up _all the time_. I imagine that's what Barnes is going through right now. He probably needs help, sure. But until _he_ recognizes that... There isn't much you can do about it. So... you need to talk to Pepper. Because she was the person who wanted to help me, and she was the person who was there for me when I realized that help was what I needed."

Call Pepper -

Give Steve time to process - Go to [Chapter 26](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13770396/chapters/31725567)


	20. Spend the Day Outside

"It _is_ an exceptionally nice day outside," Tony said with a hum. "And I haven't done the whole hit the street thing in a while."

The more Tony thought about it, the more he liked the idea. As he finished his smoothie, went to put on a zip-up hoodie, and dug out a baseball cap and his glasses, Tony tried to remember the last time he'd done the normal-incognito thing.

He hadn't done this since before Ultron, for sure. The only reason any of the Avengers really had any reason to go do normal for a day was when they were giving Steve or Thor a taste of modern America. The lot of them had spent a few good days in Central Park, visiting landmarks and monuments, and playing tourists for the day. Tony didn't usually like those kinds of activities - he had been traveling the world since he was potty trained, and he'd had culture shoved down his throat from an early age. It hadn't been so bad when he'd gone out with the Avengers, though, and Tony had realized that he actually sometimes enjoyed roaming around when no one recognized him or knew who he was.

Tony wasn't fooling himself into thinking that he would step out of the tower and have a blast - the rest of the Avengers weren't accompanying him on this outing, after all. But he assumed it would still be nice to go out and be apart of New York's life for a couple of hours.

Tony took the elevator down to the ground floor. A few people in security noticed him, but they quickly recognized him and did little more than nod to him as he made his way into the crowded lobby of Stark Tower.

Putting his earpiece in, Tony asked, "FRIDAY? Any public events happening in town today?"

"There are several movie festivals, boss," she replied. "There's also a concert in Central Park, and-"

Tony stepped out the door of Stark Tower and immediately noticed the _parade_ which was in progress.

"-a color festival," FRIDAY finished. "At the end of the parade, people throw colors at each other, there are several art exhibits, and public performances."

"I see," Tony said as he watched the riot of people making their way down the street.

He studied the parade for a moment longer before looking to the left. In that direction, Tony was granted the view of a normal day in the city, with people going about their regular business.

Go right and check out the parade -

Go left and try to appreciate life or whatever it is people do when they aimlessly wander about -


	21. Reply to Bruce

Tony understood that Bruce needed time, and he needed space, but Tony was also a firm believer that Bruce needed a good hug.

It had been months - _months_ \- since Ultron, and Tony missed his best friend. He didn't like that they had parted on bad terms, and it was one of his deepest regrets about the entire mess.

Aggravated, Tony angrily typed out, _Good for you_.

As he sent the message, he imagined Bruce receiving it, reading it, and then rolling his eyes.

Therefore, Tony also typed out, _Don't you think you've been in your self-imposed time-out for long enough? Come back to New York._

His mood properly sour now, Tony crashed around the kitchen for a few minutes, making himself another cup of coffee and almost breaking his mug in the process. He was rage-gulping his first drink of the coffee when his phone sounded with an incoming text message.

_Now is not the time,_ Bruce said.

_When is the time? Do aliens need to attack New York again? Because I can make that happen._

_Over the line, Tony._

Tony groaned as he punched out, _No shit. But I think everybody here knows what lengths I'll go to in order to get what I want, and I want to see you and talk to you and science with you._

_Don't be like that_ , Bruce demanded. _Play the bad guy all you want with the others, but I know you wouldn't intentionally hurt people, and I know you're capable of self-control_.

_Pot, kettle_.

_That only works when you're insulting someone._

_Not anymore. Come on, Bruce. I've been patient. I've developed new levels of patience just so that you could run off and lick your wounds. But licking yourself is gross, and it's time for you to take a proper shower._

_What did we say about making metaphors literal and taking the joke too far?_

_That's an Avenger House Rule,_ Tony gleefully pointed out _._ _You've left the Avengers, and you're not in my house, so the rule no longer applies. Come back and we can talk about reinstating some of those rules._

_I'm not coming back to New York_ , Bruce succinctly replied.

Tony took a deep breath to calm himself and consider his options. 

Go find Bruce-

Invite Bruce to meet in a neutral location -


	22. Unlawful Retaliation

When Tony took a look at Natasha's coded message, he wasn't surprised to find that she was being shifty and passive aggressive about the information she included. She was well aware that he didn't reply to the code with the corresponding code which he was supposed to use, and she'd been a real downer ever since Bruce had fucked off - abandoned - ever since Bruce had decided he needed a break.

Despite Nat's double-tongued coded message, Tony immediately knew what _mission_ she was working.

"Crap," Tony sighed when he realized that she was in Malibu.

Tony had worked long and hard to keep his personal business away from SHIELD, because _it was personal_.

He had to wonder why she was even out there. Was the new SHIELD trying to find new dirt on Tony? Or were they testing him? Or was this about something completely unrelated to what he had hidden away on the West Coast? Hammer had recently gotten out of jail, after all, and there were plenty of other big fish in LA. Maybe Natasha was simply laying low in a place which was familiar to her while she regrouped and stigmatized.

It was impossible to tell with her. Tony wasn't sure where they stood anymore, if he ever had to begin with. They'd barely spoken since Ultron, so Tony wasn't sure how angry she might be at him, or even what she might be angry _about_.

This email of hers, this... request for confirmation of certain knowledge which may or may not have to do with a _personal matter_ which SHIELD didn't need to stick their nose in, set him on edge.

Reply honestly -

Lie -

Test the Waters -


	23. Enlist Peter Parker

"Guy tries breaking into my house, get's caught, escapes and then dissapears? He'll be back, and he'll probably be a little better prepaired. I'd like to get the drop on him before he gets the drop on me," Tony told FRIDAY as he finished off his smoothie and dumped the cup in the seat. "Do I have any hats, FRIDAY? I should go incognito if I'm going to sneak into a high school and take a kid."

"Boss, a grown man wearing a sweater, hat, and sunglasses inside of a school full of children is the opposite of incognito," FRIDAY helpfully supplied.

Tony glanced down at the grease-stained jeans and steel-toed boots he was wearing and the large sunglasses he'd grabbed from the table which were halfway to his face.

"Point," he finally said. "Um... Where does this kid go to school again?"

"Midtown School of Science and Technology," FRIDAY supplied.

"Bing-o! It's been a while since I was directly involved in community do-goodery. Warm up my wallet for me, FRI. And a car. Tony Stark is going to Midtown High!"

* * *

"Morita?" Tony asked as Midtown High's school principal furiously shook his hand in greeting. "My father used to know a Morita."

"Yes! Yes, my grandfather was one of the Howling Commandos! He knew Captain America! And your father!"

"Good for him!" Tony replied, doing his best to maintain his smile. Tony dislodged his hand from the other man's before the shaking could dislodge his arm from his torso. "So hey, I'm creating a program to support the future scientists of America. Thought I'd come by, donate to your  school, take a look around, and see if there were any kids worth investing - I mean, if there were any kids who might be interested in doing some work with Stark Industries. It would mostly be grunt work, of course, and they wouldn't be allowed on any of the fun floors, but-"

"A tour!" Morita cried. "Of course, of course. I'm so honored that you could visit our campus, Mr. Stark-"

"Tony, please."

"-considering it was only because of your very generous donations that we were able to build a new computer lab, hire a programing teacher, and begin a scholarship program so that teens from low-income households with a passion for science could attend our school! If you decide to donate today, we might be able to start an actual robotics _class_ , rather than simply having a robotics club."

"Huh," Tony dumbly replied.

He didn't recall green-lighting any donations to nearby high schools, but then it would also be kind of ridiculous for Tony Stark _not_ to give money to tech schools located in his backyard, so maybe it was something which PR set up? Whatever - the more robotics classes there were, the better, as far as Tony was concerned.

"FRIDAY?" Tony asked.

"What?" Principal Morita replied.

" _According to the school's records, Peter Parker is currently in shop class,"_ FRIDAY relayed into his earpiece.

"Which way... to... the magic," Tony finally said. "I mean, I'm a hands on kinda guy myself. Do you offer any engineering classes, or journeyman welding?"

"The kids do some welding in shop," Morita replied. "You'll probably appreciate the shop quite a bit, actually - most of the kids in the robotic club take the class and build their machines during school hours. If we head that way, you'll probably get to meet a few of them today."

"Perfect! Sounds like a good time, let's do that," Tony stated.

 _I still got it_ , Tony preened as he walked into a high school shop class and was immediately set upon by fifteen highly impressed teenagers.

"Mr. Stark, you are my _hero_ ," one boy eagerly declared as he showed Tony the circuit board he was building.

"Nice," Tony whistled. "You building a gaming system?"

"Yes! My best friend is in programing - I'm building the system, and he's designing a game for it!"

" _We're_ developing wind turbines and solar panels for the campus!"

"Shut up! _We're_ developing the solar panels!"

"They're doing it for a competition, Mr. Stark-"

"I _wish_ I had gone to a high school like this when I was growing up," Tony whistled as he wandered around the room and looked at the various projects and work stations. "The boarding school my parents sent me to focused on _the classics_. I had to build a workshop in one of the sheds, and then I had to bribe the grounds keeper not to rat me out when he found it. I paid for that man's retirement. Man, you lot take care of your tools, don't you?"

"Mr. Johnson doesn't let us go after class unless the equipment is shining," one girl informed him.

"Most of the equipment is donated by parents," Mr. Johnson put in. "The school doesn't have a budget to replace some of the more advanced equipment, so if it wears or breaks, that's that."

 _"There he is_ ," FRIDAY told Tony as he approached a work station near the back of the classroom.

"Ah," Tony said as he picked up the small battle bot the kid was working on. "You must be a member of the robotics club. Principal Morita told me I might find a few enthusiasts here."

"Yes, sir," the boy eagerly replied.

"Are you taking this to a competition?"

"Um, not exactly. The club is building a proper bot together. We build miniature bots individually and battle each other to see which designs are the most efficient and destructive, then we incorporate it into the main bot - that's the one we're taking to the competition."

"You've already made one?" Tony asked.

"Well, yeah - the battle is in a couple of weeks. If this bot does well, it will be incorporated into the design for next year's entry," he explained. Then, he went into detail of how he come up with his designs, the many bot battle video's he'd watch and studied - he was clearly very passionate about the project.

"Mind if I take a look at the bot you're entering into the competition this year?" Tony asked.

"Seriously?" he asked, his voice squeaking on the last syllable. "Mr. Johnson - hey, Mr. Johnson! Can I take Mr. Stark to the robotics lab? We'll be right back-"

Mr. Johnson replied with an absent wave - he and Principal Morita were busy mediating heated argument which had broken out between the kids working on clean energy projects.

The kid ushered Tony out of the room, talking a mile a minute and using wide hand gestures to explain the robot he and his friends had built while Tony listened with half an year and watched from the corner of his eye to make sure that no other kids noticed for followed them.

"So it's just in here," the kid told Tony as he led him into the robotics lab, which was really just a large closet with a bunch of scrap metal and tools in it. "We finished the body a month ago, and now we're testing its remote capabilities and-"

"So you dropped by my place last night," Tony said as soon as the door had closed behind them.

"What?!" the kid squeaked.

"You're Peter Parker, right?" Tony pressed.

"Er, yeah, how did you-"

"My AI, or as you refer to her, _that lady in security_ , gave me your message this morning about that guy you left trapped on my roof. The problem? He escaped before the cops could show up and arrest him."

"What do you mean, _he escaped_?!" Parker cried. Then, realizing that he'd given himself away, he slapped a hand over his mouth.

"FRIDAY hasn't been able to identify him, and she thinks you may have details about the guy which her sensors and cameras weren't able to pick up."

The kid's eyes were wide as he stared at Tony. "Did you... Did you come to my school today and arrange a tour of the campus just so you could talk to me?"

Rolling his eyes, Tony asked, "Did you want me to have Morita go onto the intercom and ask you to the office so that I could question you about Spider Man's appearance on my balcony last night? Or should I have stayed at home and had the police pick you up?"

"No! No, this is fine! This is - You came to my school to see _me_. I can't believe this!"

"Believe it," Tony demanded. "Now, how are we doing this?"

Sneak Peter out of school -

Inform Principal Morita that Tony's offering Peter a position at Stark Industries -


	24. Ask Scott About His Daughter

"Are you sure you want to give that thing to your kid?" Tony asked. "It's the size of my forearm, incapable of moving, and it doesn't make sound or talk, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have nightmares about that thing tonight. Why is it's face painted like a clown? Humanity as a whole has decided that clowns are creepy, right? They're right next to snakes and spiders on the creep scale, I thought-"

"Cassie loves elephants!" Lang argued. "And it's not painted like a clown. It's a girl elephant and it's wearing make-up."

"Is your daughter here? Because if a kid isn't carrying that thing around, I don't think it's going to make it to wherever it needs to go. I know that if _I_ was driving a taxi, or operating a train, or if I worked for airport security, I would confiscate that thing and have it incinerated for the good of man-kind."

Lang rolled his eyes. "No, Cassi's not _here_. Here step-father took her to the zoo while I'm hanging with Falcon."

"Yeah? Are you and Falcon buddies now? Is that why he abandoned you to my R&D peeps? He found out that you intend to cause emotional scaring to your daughter via Frankenstein's Toy Elephant, didn't he? That's messed up - Wilson deals with a lot of shit in those VA meetings, and he has a strong stomach when it comes to people doing bad things and causing emotional distress to others. His inability to handle you is kind of a big deal-"

"Falcon didn't _abandon_ me-"

"Why do you call him Falcon? Did he pick you up wearing his wings? Did he not actually introduce himself?"

"No, he wasn't wearing wings - I may have been under the impression that I was meeting the Avengers today, and that Captain America wanted to see what I could do. If I had known that we were just _hanging out_ and _talking_ , I would have worn my street clothes. And I take offense, sir. Cassie is a wonderful, caring little girl who doesn't make judgements based on how something looks on the outside, but based on what's _in_ them."

"So she won't judge that elephant by it's horribly painted face, but by the chunks of warped plastic inside of it?"

"Oh, for - Tony, give us whatever you've got for us," Lisa interrupted. "We'll show you what we've been working on tomorrow or something. It's clear that today, it would be far more conducive for you to accompany Scott to the zoo so that he can give his daughter the toy he designed for her and you can see her reaction to it for yourself."

Tony blinked as he looked at his peeps in R&D. "What? No, I'm playing with you guys today-"

"No," the three chorused.

"Tony, I haven't seen you this worked up since Thor bought a Furby because he thought it would be romantic to teach it to say 'I love Jane' and then mail it to her," Matt sighed.

"And _then_ you wouldn't shut up about it the entire time we were here," Jason finished. "Not even after we showed you the prototype for the Hulk's pants."

"Just go," Lisa demanded. "We'll see you later."

With a heavy sigh, Tony said, "Fine." He dropped the bag he'd brought from his personal lab into Jason's hands as he told Lang, "Come on. You can borrow some of my clothes. I _will not_ be seen with you in public while you're wearing spandex."

"It's not spandex," Lang argued as he hurried after Tony.

"Actually - FRIDAY, get pictures. I want photographic proof of this guy in spandex while holding that monstrosity. If he becomes an Avenger, it's going to be his profile picture on the website."

"Hey!"

* * *

Lang wasn't too bad. After the initial  _I'm hanging out with a certified superhero_ freakout, he moved on to freaking out about other things, instead. The guy was kind of excitable. Tony thought he should be called Puppy-Man instead of Ant-Man. He was very enthusiastic.

Luckily, it was a High-On-Life kind of enthusiasm rather than an I'm-Amazed-By-Everything kind of enthusiasm. Lang didn't seem to impressed by the city - Tony found out that he'd lived in San Francisco for most of his life, and he'd worked in a sky-scraper before he'd been placed in prison.

"Electrical engineering," Tony said with a grin when he pulled up Lang's information as they took one of Tony's cars to the zoo. "A man after my own heart. But why UCLA? With your test scores, you could have gotten into MIT, easy."

"You ask more questions than my parole officer, man," Scott told him with a roll of his eyes. "And yeah, I almost applied - went for a tour of the campus and everything. I didn't like Boston, though. Wanted to stick close to home. Hey, if I joined the Avengers, would there be, like, pay involved? Falcon gave me the orientation packet-"

"What orientation packet?"

"-and it was thicker than the employment contracts and orientation packets for all of my previous jobs combined."

"Avenging isn't actually a full time thing," Tony pointed out. "We only battle evil every month or so, and we save the world every couple of years. If you were _only_ Avenging, you would have _a lot_ of downtime. Most of us have day jobs. I mean, Wanda doesn't, but she's been shut up in a Hydra facility for the past decade. She spends most of her time going to therapy, a cult-deprogramming support group, and learning basic life skills. She's also acclimating to America. Also, Vision. Vision doesn't have a job. But he's only been a person for a few months. I mean, he hasn't even celebrated his first birthday yet."

"Wow. Okay. You're just, uh, layin it all out there, aren't you? I think I might understand why Falcon hasn't introduced me to the team yet. I mean, I thought my backstory was bad-ass. I spent five years in jail for robbing a major corporation!"

"I was imprisoned and tortured by terrorists by three months, Cap's best friend was brainwashed, turned into an assassin, and electrocuted on a regular basis. Clint and Nat have _escaped_ from a dozen prisons between them, and _you_ only robbed a major corporation. I shut down major corporations before breakfast. Also, I've broken Geoff Zorick's nose twice - no. Three times. I always forget that time at the Van Dynes Christmas party. Anyways, buddy, you're playing in the big leagues now. You won't be able to compete during the Who's-Had-It-Worse drinking games until you've had a hand in preventing world destruction at least once."

His eyes wide, Lang nodded as he said, "Okay. Thanks for the heads up, I guess."

* * *

Tony didn't usually like kids. Not unless they were mouthy teenagers with tragic backstories who were too smart for their own good.

Cassie Lang wasn't bad, though.

She thought the horrifying painted elephant was delightful, and she hugged it as if it were a fluffy and malleable stuffed animal. When her father and step-father bickered, she watched their arguing with a pleased smile which was missing several teeth. She talked Tony's ear off about the... giant ant which her family kept as a pet.

She insisted that she take Tony on a tour of the zoo, even though she and her step-father had already walked it twice, and she was just as excited to look at the creepy crawly animals as she was the cute and fluffy ones.

"Want to get closer?" Tony asked her when they stood in front of the red panda exhibit. Cassie was excited because two of the little creatures were playing - apparently, they were nocturnal creatures, and they had all been sleeping when Cassie previously saw them.

Cassie eagerly agreed, and Tony waved down one of the animal keepers.

Regretfully, Tony couldn't get them up close and personal with the creatures, not even after offering the keeper a bribe - the panda's cuteness was deceptive, and they were highly aggressive creatures, apparently.

The keeper offered to let Cassie play with some of the monkeys, however. Then, when the zoo keeper learned that Cassie was brave when it come to less attractive animals, he offered to show her his favorite animals in the zoo - the tarantulas.

By the end of the afternoon, Tony was escorting Scott, Cassie, and her step-father, Jim Paxton, to Stark Tower with a terrarium and a new pet tarantula in tow.

"Why is it that whenever you see Cassie, she gets a horrifying new toy and a horrifying new pet?" Paxton asked with a tired sigh as he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, exhausted after a day of wandering around Central Park and then being dragged to an exotic pet shop.

"What can I say? I know what Cassie needs," Scott answered with a bright smile as he watched his daughter coo at her new female brown tarantula.

Tony usually liked to add his own wise opinion to debates such as these, but he was idly reading the info and care packet provided by the pet shop.

"Hey, did you actually talk to anyone about that thing before you bought it?" Tony asked Scott.

"Sure," Scott replied. "The owner said that they were good tarantulas for beginners. They aren't aggressive, and their venom isn't life-threatening unless there's an allergic reaction."

"Yeah," Tony said with a grin. "And if they're properly cared for, they can live for up to forty years."

" _What_?" Paxton hissed.

Cassie began to cry out in glee, and Tony laughed as their car pulled up to the tower.

Call it a night -

Offer to show Cassie a night out on the town -


	25. Laze About

"So, uh, option number one was laze about, right FRIDAY? What, uh... How do people do that? I mean, should I go to the workshop?" Tony asked. "I mean, that's where I usually hang out. Pepper accuses me of being lazy all the time when I'm there-"

"The very fact that's it's called a workshop implies that you won't do anything considered lazy when you're there," FRIDAY pointed out. "People usually _veg ouch_ and _binge_ _watch_ television, it seems."

"Oh, well, since I don't have anything but vegetables in the fridge, that should be easy. Alright, FRI, turn on the TV for me while I assume the reclined position on the couch," Tony hooted.

It took him a few minutes to get settled. Usually, when Tony sat in front of the TV, it was to watch something specific. A movie he liked, or had heard about, or a sports game. He called out his request, and FRIDAY made it happen. Until the Avengers had moved in, Tony hadn't even _known_ that he had over 1000 channels on his television. Now, it took him a few minutes to find the remote.

The first few channels Tony flipped past were all playing commercials. Tony sat and watched a few, because the products they were selling were cheep, poorly made, and of little use, as far as Tony could tell. He didn't understand why anyone would want to pay $19.95 for any of them. When he finally found a show, it was a soap opera. The camera quality was poor, as was the acting, and the story, and-

The next few shows were day-time talk shows. Tony watched five minutes of one before deciding that he had enough drama in his life without having to watch other people's.

After flipping past channels which were showing more commercials, then a few playing reruns of bad 90s sitcoms, then a few sports channels which weren't showing sports at all, but people talking about sports, Tony asked, "What the hell, FRI? Why isn't anything good on?"

"Daytime television is infamous for the poor quality of it's programs. The popular shows play in the evening, when people aren't working," she explained.

"Ugh," Tony groaned.

He was almost ready to call it quits. If he was going to spend the day relaxing, he'd much rather do something which was _actually_ relaxing. Like metalworking by hand. Tony hadn't done that in _forever_. Or maybe he could dig out the sledgehammer, go down to the Avenger's floor, and let loose. That sounded _very_ cathartic. And sure, Pepper would be mad - Tony had spent a lot of time and money remodeling after Ultron's performance. But it wasn't like anyone ever stayed there anymore, so-

Tony finally paused when he reached a news station.

As usual, the upstart _journalist_ (opinionist, Tony liked to call them), was talking about the Avengers and super-powered humans in general. Today, they were putting the heat on the Winter Soldier.

The story had come out during SHIELD's data dump, of course, but Bucky Barnes had been jumbled up along with the stories of dozens of other people-of-unusual-circumstances-and-unusual-abilities, and as a result Bucky Barnes hadn't really been mentioned at all. Or he had, but he'd been summarily dismissed because Bucky Barnes didn't really exist any more. The Winter Soldier had been killing people for longer than Bucky Barnes had been alive and in control of his own thoughts and actions.

Tony scowled at the reporter as he spoke loudly and used alarmist vocabulary in regards to efforts to capture the efforts.

"Should the search really be left in the hands of Captain America?" the man asked. "Can the Captain be trusted not to mistake this terrorist as his dead friend? I certainly don't think so - Why else hasn't the Captain been able to track him down and capture him?"

"Vultures," Tony hissed. "The search is being left to Captain America because the Winter Soldier _recognizes_ him, idiot. The guy would probably kill anyone else who got within sneezing distance of him out of reflex. Also, his friend _isn't_ dead, and he's not a terrorist - he was brainwashed and _controlled_ by terrorists. And Steve hasn't been able to track him down or capture him because Steve may be super-human, but the Winter Soldier is the super-human who almost _killed_ him. This guy has been evading capture and evading _notice_ for decades."

"Then, there are those who use _brainwashing_ as an excuse. As if that has ever been accepted as a valid argument before!" the man continued.

"Patty Hearst," Tony immediately stated. "I mean, she spent seven years in prison, but still."

"And if he _was_ brainwashed, then why hasn't he stepped forward and given himself up?!"

"Because he's not an idiot!" Tony yelled. "You lot would throw him under the bus because you want to punish someone for Hydra, even though-ugh. FRIDAY, turn it off, just..."

"Reporters don't usually get you so worked up, boss," FRIDAY pointed out.

"I'm usually concerned with more important things than listening to them. And... I might be a bit pissed off about how they're talking about Steve. As if he's doing something wrong, or as if he doesn't have a right to look for the only person on the _planet_ who might be able to relate to him... As if it's wrong for him to want his friend back. It's just..."

"You usually disparage the Captains attempts just as vehemently as those reporters do," FRIDAY pointed out.

"Yeah, because he's going about it the wrong way," Tony replied. "Not because he shouldn't.'

"What's the right way, then?" FRIDAY asked.

"Please," Tony snorted. "As if you don't have eyes on Barnes at this very moment."

FRIDAY's silence was very, very telling.

"And?!" Tony finally asked.

"He's here, in New York," FRIDAY informed him.

"Wait, what? Seriously?"

"I've determined that the Winter Soldier doubts that Steve or the other Avengers would think to look for him in their own place of residence. He travels, of course, and he lets people spot him while also placing false leads, but he always returns to New York."

"For fuck's sake," Tony sighed.

Call the Winter Soldier and bitch him out for getting Tony worked up on a lazy day -

Pop over to the Soldier's place to residence to figure out what's so great about living on the run -


	26. Give Steve time to Process

When Tony finished his speech, the turned to look at Steve. Steve was chewing at his lip, _clearly_ thinking up arguments against giving Bucky some time and space, but also honestly considering Tony's words.

"Want to join me in the shop for a while?" Tony asked, because watching Steve think was kind of boring.

With a long exhale, Steve told him, "Yeah. Yeah, okay. Have you been working on anything interesting?"

"Nothing that _I_ think is interesting," Tony replied with a dissatisfied huff. "I think the R &D production team has had enough of my attention over the last few weeks, though. I can get away with tinkering for a while."

In the workshop, Tony wasn't surprised when Steve made a beeline for the far side of the space, where there was a large, recliner placed next to the small kitchen area.

Tony had completely forgotten that Steve used to come down to his workshop and hide when he didn't want SHIELD or the other Avengers to bother him, shamelessly taking advantage of the fact that he and Tony had started out on the wrong foot and therefore couldn't _possibly_ stand to spend time together, according to everyone who knew them. He also took advantage of the fact that Tony was usually in his own head when he worked on projects, and so he would harass Steve about sharing feelings or working through his problems or any of those other tedious therapeutic processes. Instead, Steve sat in the broken recliner and sketched.

Since Tony had forgotten that Steve used to whole up in his lab, he hadn't bothered clearing out Steve's sketchbook or pencils from the drawer next to the recliner. When Steve plopped into the chair, ignoring the way it groaned and sagged slightly to the left, he reached for the drawer out of habit, grabbed a half-filled sketchbook from within, and grabbed a couple of graphite pencils.

Tony sat down with his sodering iron.

* * *

They didn't speak for several hours. While he worked on building himself a few fun new toys, Tony completely forgot that Steve was there.

He didn't remember Steve's presence until the man suddenly said, "Jeez, DUM-E still has that thing?"

Tony blinked as he remembered that he wasn't alone, and he put down the wiring he was working on. Looking around, he saw Steve on one side of the space and DUM-E on the other, wheeling across the floor with crappy and dented cardbord sign clutched in his claw which read Honorary Avenger(s). Clint had made the sign for the bots after DUM'E had shown him a prototype arrow Tony was working on just before they'd received a call to assemble. Clint had suited up with the arrow still in his hand, and the thing had saved his life during the mission they'd gone on.

"Of course he still has it," Tony replied. "DUM-E's a hoarder. When I don't want him helping me with my projects, I tell him to organize the cabinet where he keeps his stash. Which means that he moves everything from the cabinet on the south wall to the cabinet on the north wall, because DUM-E's a tragedy. But hey, it keeps him occupied and away from the kitchen so-"

"What else do you have stashed away, DUM-E?" Steve asked, standing from his chair.

"Oh my God, don't ask him that Steve, he's going to bring it all out and dump it in the middle of the workshop and - DUM-E, no, leave it-"

It was too late, though. DUM-E had already dumped his Bucket of Bolts onto the floor, and the misshapen bits of metal went everywhere.

"Ugh, DUM-E! We've talked about this! No, stop moving, you're-"

As DUM-E turned to hurry back and grab more junk from his cabinets, he  _of course_ knocked into the pile which he'd just dumped out, and the useless metal scattered.

Tony cursed as Steve began to laugh.

"You're cleaning this up, Rogers!" Tony swore. "You are going to go around the room and look under every single piece of machinery for every scrap and-"

Steve wasn't paying attention to him as he went and sat next to DUM-E's cabinet, making himself comfortable on the floor.

"What's this?" Steve asked as DUM-E put a mangled robot in his hands.

"DUM-E's little sister - cleaning bot. She got caught beneath a heated welding torch."

"Aww," Steve said with a frown.

"Oh, please. There are 200 exactly like her all over the tower," Tony scoffed. "And they're limited AIs. I mean, DUM-E is a scholar next to that lot."

"Why does he have a taco-bell wrapper in here?" Steve asked.

"That is a memento of the first time I ever showed him off to other people - my classmates at MIT. One of them threw that at him. The guy was very impressed when DUM-E went and picked it up, then threw it back, especially when he hit someone who  _wasn't_ throwing stuff at him. After that, it took me  _ages_ to correct his behavior and teach him that trash is not flung at people, but at the trash. I'm pretty sure I created holographic technology so that DUM-E couldn't toss paper at me anymore." 

For the next few minutes, DUM-E delighted in showing off his knick-knacks for Steve, and Steve tried to make heads and tails of the things DUM-E considered worth keeping around.

Steve stopped smiling when he found a broken leather strap, however.

Blinking, Tony inspected the chewed and shredded length of leather. "What is  _that_?" he finally asked. "DUM-E, where did you-"

"This was part of my shield's harness," Steve announced. 

"Your shield had a harness?" Tony asked.

"Tony, you were the one who designed and built the magnetic attachments which went into my suit," Steve replied with a grin. "I stopped wearing the leather when we went on the mission in the Dead Sea. When it broke, Thor stole it and used it to sling water balloons at people."

"And he set up DUM-E to take the blame," Tony remembered.

"And when you started yelling at DUM-E, Thor felt so guilty about getting the robot into trouble that he swore to assist DUM-E in his every task," Steve said with a nod.

"And Thor's All-Speak didn't translate to robotic, artificial intelligence, so he could never figure out what DUM-E wanted from him and he ended up sneaking my bot out of the tower and taking him to a theme park in Ohio," Tony finished with a chuckle. "Thor was  _so_ lucky that I didn't find out about that until after I came back from Korea. If I'd come back to the tower and DUM-E had been missing, I would have lost my shit and - Steve? What's wrong?"

Steve shrugged, still frowning down at the leather strap.

"Is this about the video game again? You were making the exact same face this morning when you came up from that meeting. Come on, man, spill. What about that meeting has you so upset?"

"You don't even remember the game that you wrote, do you?" Steve quietly asked.

"Sure I do! There were puzzles and riddles and stuff."

"On one of the levels, Thor sears to assist the game player in their task, no matter which path they decide to take to get to the end. It's in the level where the player is traveling along a track in a mine, and it looks a bit like an underground roller coaster." 

Tony blinked. "Huh. I remember the level with the mine, but I don't remember the rest of that stuff."

"In one of the levels, Clint's character sings a country song to distract the villian-"

Tony snorted. "I'd completely forgotten about the sting in Arkansas! Your mic-!"

"Went haywire and started making noise, and Clint had to start singing to cover it up," Steve finished. "Yeah. There were actually a lot of those little reminders and references in that game. Nothing sensitive or private, but... It just reminded me of all the time we spent together before everything got complicated."

"Got complicated," Tony snorted.

"Yeah. You don't think things got complicated?" Steve asked as DUM-E dropped a pacifier into his hands.

"I usually use the phrase  _went to hell_ , but whatever," Tony told him. 

 

Offer to spend an uncomplicated afternoon with Steve -

Hey, let's go uncomplicate some stuff right now -


End file.
